Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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