I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
