Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
