Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
