You surviving the open bar?
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An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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