mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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