And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
