a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
