He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
