The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
