I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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