I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
