i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
