How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
