Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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