I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
