Having a random hookup so left but love u
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
