What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
