so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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