i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize