I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
