The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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