You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
