I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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