just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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