How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
