Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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