yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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