we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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