I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
