If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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