and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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