god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
