i may or may not be watching the land before time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
