"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
