Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
