i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
