The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
