She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
