i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
