He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
