Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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