So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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