your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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