a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
