1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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