I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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