I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize