dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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