At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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