I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
