I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
