my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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