in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I see more hoeing in ur future
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