I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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