dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
