He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
