I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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