if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
