i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
