you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
