Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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