Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
