the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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