You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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