"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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