One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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