dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
