hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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