sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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