if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
