i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
