dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
