i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
handjob tips. give me some.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
