thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
