You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
