It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
