it wasn't lemon gatorade
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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