You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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