just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
