I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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