...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
