you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
