I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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