i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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