Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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